The opportunity provided by your family name and how it is perceived
I said in my post last week that it was a three part series. The second part of three is on the term Nepotism. I also have to apologize to those inheritors of wealth; this post is geared more towards the Next Gen. Family Business crowd. By the very definition if you’ve been given a job because of your last name you are the subject of nepotism. The idea of nepotism carries a negative connotation, as if whoever was given that opportunity was not deserving of it. As I said last week there is a great deal of opportunity afforded to you because of the power of your family name, a job is certainly an opportunity. So how do you challenge the negative thoughts of nepotism that surrounds your presence in your family business? The short answer… you don’t. At the end of the day the only person you control is you, your thoughts, your actions, and your response vs. reactions. Today you may be viewed as a child of privilege that has been “handed” an opportunity, how you RESPOND to that assumption is how you’ll be perceived from now on.
The first step in combatting these perceptions is to not personalize them. More often than not the negative feelings one has towards a subject of nepotism is about them and not you. Their own feelings of inadequacy, or the perception that they’ve been overlooked within the organization can lead to hostile thoughts around any subject that validates their own feelings and perceptions. A concept we often talk about is the nature of white blood cells. The purpose of a white blood cell is to expel anything from the body that can harm the body, or that doesn’t belong. This happens in organizations as well, you will face a series of detractors because in their mind you threaten the status quo. Once again, these thoughts are out of your control. The only control you do have is to not become reactive and to respond without personalization. The statements I’m making about those around you that are thinking negative of you are assuming you actually deserve the job you’ve been given. If you are acting in a way that validates their perceptions such as showing up to work late, not delivering on tasks and goals, and assuming a level of authority above your current position, than you need to reconsider who is in the wrong here.
Second to not personalizing is actually seeking out the white blood cells around you and offering yourself up to their expertise. The concept will sound counterintuitive, but it is possible to lead by being mentored. Allowing yourself to be mentored by someone is validating their position, hard work, and knowledge. In addition to that you will learn nuances and perspectives about the company that you otherwise might have missed. Another key piece to this step is to “process out loud” and to re-process bad process”. Processing out loud is the act of walking someone through your mental process. By doing this you remove opportunity for the other person to draw false conclusions. If a detractor seems to base their opinion of you around a particular action you’re taking, walk them through your mental process. They will gain understanding of your thinking, and you open yourself up to be taught a different and possibly better process. Re-processing bad process is the reflective action of walking back through your steps in order to identify an area of error. This is useful in communication and in working habits. Communicatively you can re-process how you spoke to someone, and in doing so, say what you meant to say with a more appropriate tone and language. Re-processing procedures allows you to identify areas of improvement for the future.
The final step is simply to work hard. Remove doubt about the merit for which you received this position by working your tail off. Seek additional work before it’s passed to you, and seek opportunities that will serve the greater good rather than just yourself. If someone is going to make a coffee run, volunteer. You are seeking to remove the perception that you feel entitled to be there, and the perception that because you are the boss’ child that you are above anyone you work with. You will of course make mistakes; this doesn’t mean you’re incompetent and that you don’t deserve the job. But if you’ve practiced the first two steps you shouldn’t have a problem overcoming the perception that you were just given something you didn’t deserve.
I know this all sounds hard, I didn’t share any specific stories in this post but every aspect of this concept I’ve experienced first hand. I can’t tell you how many frustrating moments I’ve had, and the panic and anxiety that has torn at me because I’m thinking about how I’m perceived. At the end of the day all you have control over is you, you may try every measure I suggested here today and still make no movement with the people around you. I’m encouraging you to keep trying though, start by befriending your biggest detractor and see what impact you can have.
Good Luck
Practical Summary
- How do you combat Nepotism, you don’t. You can only control yourself not others, don’t personalize.
- Seek mentorship and guidance from “white blood cells”. Process out loud and reprocess bad process
- Work hard; seek opportunities to serve the greater good. Ask for additional work.