Deciding to join the family business
The decision to enter your family business or industry can be incredibly difficult. No matter what you do everyone around you will have an opinion and very few will shy away from offering it. I remember at a very early age my mom saying to me: “I don’t want you to work for your dad, I want you to make your own career path.” I think she was afraid I would choose the easy route and my dad would just hand me an opportunity, I think she was and is afraid I will become just like him. Not that becoming my dad would be a bad thing, but he was always incredibly busy and he traveled a lot, that’s the nature of the beast when you’re a consultant. I think my mom also wanted her kids to make their own path, to find their own interests and pursue them whole-heartedly.
This decision is more complicated than simply choosing a career path. You have to weigh all of the concerns my mother was expressing in her fearful statement, as well as your own fears. What if I take over the business and totally screw it up? Will everyone around me look at me as the bosses kid, am I only here because of my last name? My dad is pretty tough on me when I don’t work for him, what in the world will it be like in the office? I want to be my own person and blaze my own trail, am I really doing that by just working in the family business? These questions and so many more run through your mind over and over and over again when you’re making this decision. At the same time there are so many positives to consider. I get to carry the torch after my dad moves on. I’m apart of a larger family legacy. I’ll finally understand what my dad does which is a large part of who he is (this one was huge for me). This business has given me so many opportunities in life, now I get to protect that legacy and pass it on to my kids. I’ve barely scratched the surface of the various nuances at play in this decision and you can already see that there’s more to it than anyone outside of you can understand. Most people around you will see that you went to work for dad as what you had to do, or what was easy to do. But there’s nothing that says you have to, and nothing easy about deciding to.
Personally I ran from the “family business” as often as I could, my actions didn’t show it but in my head I never wanted to do what my dad did. It seems looking back as if I was destined to be here. I started as a Psychology major (actually a perfect starting point for Family Business Consulting); then transferred to Entrepreneurship (again another great launching point). I worked as a property manager for a large real estate company for a while and tried starting my owner construction management company and when all else failed turned to good ole D. A. D. Even when I felt out of options I still never wanted to do this. I simply called one day asking if he knew of any job openings; he did. I won’t get into all of the gory details here, there are many more posts to come for that, but the transition wasn’t easy and even now years later it still isn’t easy. Remember, when I started out I still had my mother’s words ringing in my ear: “make your own way and don’t become your father.” While researching family businesses and family dynamics the first article I read quoted my dad 8 different times. How in the world was I supposed to make my own way following his legacy? Even if I wanted to, there was no way I could become my father.
Before I even started I let fear rule my decision. How can you ever expect to be good at anything if you’re being driven by fear? If my new opportunity weren’t better than my current situation (at that time) I probably would have never left. You cannot let fear rule your decision. You have to be all in or all out and ready to take the good with the bad. You also have to leave behind the idea that you will be or could be your father, mother, grandparent, uncle or whoever you are stepping in for. At the end of the day you have to still be you no matter what. If you can’t be, or people don’t want you to be then you already have your answer. Personally my mother was wrong, going into the family business has been one of my greatest decisions I’ve ever made and it’s something I’m truly good at; to miss this opportunity would have been a bad decision.
Practical Summary
- Hear the fears of your parents, don’t own them
- Don’t allow fear to rule your decision, learn to see opportunities and no pressure to make one choice vs. another
- Joining the family business does not mean you won’t be making your own path, and won’t create your own legacy